...hmh.

[raisedbymoogles]

I interviewed for a new job last week - Web design & PHP. I was very upfront that I was largely self-taught and didn't have the experience they might expect from someone with, y'know, an actual degree, but they told me not to worry about it, that I was highly trainable and they were impressed that I'd taught myself enough PHP in two weeks to put together a project for them. I walked away from that interview with the impression that I pretty much had that job in the bag.

This afternoon (finally, ugh), the interviewer got back to me. No, they really wanted someone with More Experience, but would I be willing to start with them on a part-time basis for a couple of months and see how it goes?

........now look, on paper this is a really good deal, right? It's fantastic that they're willing to train a complete newbie in complicated programming stuff rather than just look for someone who already knows their shit. This is a foot in the door that I'd probably never get anywhere else. Worse comes to worst it's a couple of months' of job training I can put on my CV for the next time I'm job-hunting. I should be thrilled.

I'm not thrilled.

Partially it's that current retail gig is eating my sanity and my health (srs, another three months in those awful safety shoes and my feet are just going to fall off in protest), and part of it is - just - I thought I had this. I thought I had secured a Real Grownup Job in something I was good at, something whose job requirements weren't two brain cells and a pulse, something where I could finally tell myself I was worth something after all, after all of my failures. Eight hours a week might be a step in the right direction, but I'll only be able to know that in hindsight. Right now it's just an extra drum added to the constant drum beat of 'not good enough, not good enough, not good enough.'

I mean, I accepted it, don't get me wrong. Like I said, anything that might get me out of current job.

...nngh. I told myself I'd work on the next chapter of OBW this weekend, but somehow all my brain wants to focus on are little scenelets of Galvatron/Rodimus porn.

...

::flops facedown::

Comments

[senmut]

So very sorry to hear this. Thought you had it too!

[raisedbymoogles]

Bleh. ::sulks and is generally ungrateful::

[white_aster]

:hugs: I know it's not what you wanted. Hopefully it'll end up being a step up, nonetheless.

[gingicat]

Hoping it works out well for you.

[megpie71]

Here's an alternative way to look at it: you *are* good enough. You're good enough that they're willing to create a second position for you out of nothing, and take you on part-time, even though they've filled the first position, and technically don't need to hire anyone else. Which is, to be honest, very good indeed.

You are good enough that an employer who was originally planning on hiring a single someone for forty hours a week has found another eight hours a week of work to hire you for as well. Which means you're *such* a strong second place in the interview that they weren't willing to lose out on the chance of getting you if this current person doesn't work out.

Moogle, that's tremendous. It's incredible. And I know your brain isn't letting you see that right now, but trust me, this is unbelievably rare. Yeah, it sucks that you didn't get the full-time job, and it means your schedule is suddenly going to get a lot more complicated (fitting in their 8 hours a week alongside your current retail position). But you're not being fobbed off with second-best here - instead, you're being paid a massive compliment. Someone really does think you are MORE than good enough, and they're willing to give you a chance to show them they're right.

[dragoness_e]

What she said.

[raisedbymoogles]

Er... they didn't create a second position for me, or hire anyone else for the full-time position. I'm pretty sure I'm the only person who applied.

[megpie71]

Either way: you still made a good enough impression on them that they are willing to let you prove how good you are, or can be. This isn't nothing. Take it from someone who's been looking for work for ten years now, without much success.

[ilyena_sylph]

I'm so sorry this didn't go the way you wanted. But at least its a chance?

+hugs+

[ardwynna]

Chances are if you had the experience they say they want, they couldn't pay you what you'd be worth anyway. Just trying to milk you for what they can get while you're affordable and desperate enough to take their terms.

But whatya gonna do, it's the same crap in every field.

[raisedbymoogles]

Well, to be fair, I am desperate and affordable.


...'Desperate and Affordable' is either the name of my punk band or my autobiography.

[playswithworms]

*snugs*

[riddian]

It's totally reasonable to be unhappy about it. It's less than you were hoping for, and now you just have that on top of your current job that you were hoping to get away from. It's some gig economy crap. Hopefully it transitions into a proper full time job soon!