raisedbymoogles: (Default)
raisedbymoogles ([personal profile] raisedbymoogles) wrote2019-01-16 10:00 pm
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The only good thing I ever did on Tumblr, apparently.

Now and then this ficbit will keep popping up, so I'm preserving it here for the coming post-Tumblr society. Context is a picture of a fighter jet at a gas station.

*

“You’ve reached the Ark, Prowl speaking.”

“Uhhh, yeah, hi, listen, there’s a jet parked at one of my pumps and I dunno if he’s one’a yours or one’a the other guys, but he won’t go away and he seems kinda…”

Prowl cross-referenced the colloquial usages for ‘kinda’ and found nothing useful. “I’m sorry, sir, I don’t quite understand.”

The human on the other end of the line hummed, a noise that communicated little besides ‘bear with me, I’m searching my onboard lexicographal dictionary.’ It took longer than Prowl would have liked; that coupled with a cursory vocal cue analysis suggested the human himself was ‘kinda’ sleep-deprived. Small wonder, as it was on the wrong side of midnight when most humans were genetically programmed to enter their period of dormancy. Prowl waited patiently until the humming stopped and the human started speaking again.

“If I didn’t know better, I’d say he was kinda - drunk. Y’all can’t get drunk, can you?”

…oh, Primus. “No, but there is a similar state of impaired functioning that occurs when one of our species imbibes surplus amounts of concentrated energon,” Prowl admitted with a grimace he was grateful no one could see, alone in the comms room as he was. “What is the subject doing now?”

“…talkin’ to himself, mostly. Loudly.”

“Is there any way to let me listen?”

“Oh, yeah, sure. Hang on.”

A brief grating sound - a window opening, Prowl thought - and then the faint burble he’d been ignoring since picking up the call resolved itself into an unfortunately familiar voice.

“-c’n wait here aaaaaalllll night! I demand full surface - surf - service! Imma TRUCK, an’ I gotta full load of energon cubes t’shlrup - schlep - SHIP dammit t’ Darkmount! Stickit in your cannon, Mergletron. Imma truck.”

Oh, sweet fancy Primus on a silicon cracker.

“Listen carefully,” Prowl instructed the human. “The subject has been identified at 80% accuracy as the Decepticon Starscream. Do not approach. Stay inside and I will send a squad to take him into custody.”

“Uhh, sure. Couldja hurry? He’s blocking two pumps.”

“The Autobots will be there with all due speed,” Prowl promised. “Hold, please.” He switched lines to rouse the nighttime response crew and after a moment’s calculation, roused Jazz from a sound slumber to accompany them.

He’d complain now, but he’d thank Prowl later.
astolat: lady of shalott weaving in black and white (Default)

[personal profile] astolat 2019-01-17 01:27 am (UTC)(link)
hahaha I love this! I immediately imagine the regret Starscream will have about this moment for ages to come as Jazz occasionally broadcasts bits of his drunken rambling at him in fights and suggests sending the full recording to Megatron.
playswithworms: (Default)

[personal profile] playswithworms 2019-01-17 02:56 am (UTC)(link)
Hee! A legend and a classic! :D
sakon76: (Default)

[personal profile] sakon76 2019-01-17 06:39 am (UTC)(link)
Oh, thank you for posting this here/again. I'd forgotten just how much giggle is packed in this short story....

(IE, I can't stop giggling after rereading it. ^_^)

[personal profile] plugz 2019-01-17 02:21 pm (UTC)(link)
Oh gosh I remeber this fic! Honestly hilarious and just so fun XD lol

I can see Starscresm being quite embarrassed about this (if he remebers) not that Jazz would ever let him forget.
dragoness_e: Fanart of G1 Starscream with F-22 kibble in robot mode (Starscream F-22)

[personal profile] dragoness_e 2019-01-18 02:47 am (UTC)(link)
I read this here, and then the reblog on Tumblr came across my dash, complete with the photo. Why is an F-16 parked at a gas station?
stainless: Megatron and Starscream standing in wreckage, reads ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US (Default)

[personal profile] stainless 2019-01-18 11:03 pm (UTC)(link)
c l a s s i c
white_aster: (tf starscream)

[personal profile] white_aster 2019-01-21 04:13 am (UTC)(link)
^___________________^ Always a good time.

[personal profile] apprentice_lurk 2019-01-21 11:54 pm (UTC)(link)
*SQUEAL*

You rescued it from the whirlpool! I make happy dinosaur noises and giggle every time. XDDD